Hey there. My name is Hong but you can call me Anne or Meow.
I grew up on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. My parents are farmers. I didn’t show any special talent or trait of a young genius. I had a very happy childhood though. When I was little, there was a Vietnamese TV series called Tropical Snow. Watching it made me decide to become a film director when I grew up. I wanted to be successful so badly. I admired talented people who could figure out their dreams at such a young age. Bit by bit, I became more anxious when thinking about what I must do to achieve my dream.
At that time, I believed that I must go to film school to become a film director. At that time, I knew only one ‘good’ film school in Ho Chi Minh City called HCMC University of Theater and Cinema. At that time, it was my biggest goal & the only path I must follow. I was 13. Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, my answer always was ‘To become a film director‘. I was only 13 & didn’t even know what a movie theater looks like.
Sometimes along the way, I felt that my dream was too big & maybe I should dream something smaller. Maybe I should dream of something achievable.
I wished I knew people’s secrets to be successful in life. I tried miserably looking up those success stories in the hope of finding out what they did to get there. And I found nothing that I could apply to myself.
A part of me panicked because I found no hope for my future. Because I found myself so small & untalented for my dream. And because I found out that it would take years of learning & practicing for me to get even a bit closer to my dream.
I was a country girl who couldn’t speak English & knew nothing about cinema. I always wanted to watch good movies but didn’t know how to find them. I was too ugly, nerdy & uncool to make friends & connections that, I thought, could help my career. I had no special talent at all and failed at almost everything. My life was just the opposite of how I thought a successful person should live at that age. My parents & teachers thought I wasn’t bright enough & would drop out of secondary school. Somehow they wanted me to believe that I would never make it.
Somehow people around me just didn’t want me to believe in dreams & passions.
Somehow my heart kept wanting this thing & just didn’t want to give up.
Somehow I was led to this door of dreams & opportunities and couldn’t figure out how to get in.
I felt so stuck & hopeless because my dream was too big & seemed impossible.
I was so insecure about myself when looking at other people’s lives, especially my friends’. I wished my life was more certain. I wished I had a plan for my future. I wished my parents were richer so I didn’t need to worry about all these things. Sometimes I forced myself to look away from those glamorous lives just to calm my heart down for a moment.
I always craved to be better every day. I wished I could become more beautiful, more confident, more talented, more creative. I wished I were more everything but myself.
I wished I could find the answers to all of my questions.
Gradually I became more aware of my aloneness. I’ve chosen a different path from my friends. That’s why I always had to figure things out on my own. That’s why things seemed harder & took longer for me to accomplish. That’s why I had a hard time trying to fit in. That’s why life brought me here & taught me the things I’ve always wanted to know.
I still don’t have the answers to all of my questions but I’ve learned to never stop asking questions.
Sometimes I feel as if I haven’t accomplished much in life, I haven’t gone anywhere & my life is still the same as before. Sometimes I question myself
Why am I here?
Why am I still here?
I feel so sad knowing people give up on their dreams so early & easily.
When we were kids, we didn’t worry about the hows. We weren’t afraid to dream big.
When we become adults, we get frightened just by thinking about the whole journey with all the challenges & difficulties we must face to realize our dreams. We’re scared to fail & look vulnerable. We don’t want others to think that we’re crazy or stupid for choosing a different path. We cling on to our old selves & what others expect us to be. We always come up with so many excuses to stay where we are right now. We want to be & feel safe. Sometimes we’re tempted to compromise. But most of the time, our hearts tell us that we aren’t truly happy trying to live that ‘normal’ life at all.
Sometimes we just need to stop & ask our hearts
Are we happy?
